eing the victim is a lot of fun sometimes. You often get a lot of attention, at least for a while, from people who rally around you, feel sorry for you, and tell you they relate to you.  

For a while, people call you or check in on you.  They send you texts and ask how you are.  

But after a while, people expect you to pull yourself up by the bootstraps and take some action.

There are some people who make the whole victim thing a lifelong persona.  They are the ones who are always getting unfair treatment. They are the ones who are getting picked on or bullied. For whatever reason, they are the ones who no one wants to sit with at the table.

I dealt with kids who had this victim mentality for years in the classroom.  Of course, as soon as I heard someone was being picked on or bullied, my radar went up and I investigated.  Sometimes, the reports were correct and something was done. Bullying happens for a reason, and it’s usually because the bully is hurt or dealing with overwhelming feelings themselves.

But, I also found that a large percentage of the kids who were reported getting picked on and bullied had a skewed definition of “bullying.” 

What it almost always boiled down to was the “victim” wasn’t getting their way. They wanted to run the show, be the boss, and control all the situations. When they didn’t get what they wanted, it was easier to retreat into the victim mentality. You see, retreating to “Victimland” can get you at least a few followers, almost immediately, and the sympathy you get is almost as good as the controlling: in a way, you’re still controlling, aren’t you?

I knew a school counselor once who said he would go to the playground to watch the kiddos while they burned off some energy after lunch. He paid particular attention to the kids who had been in his office with issues, namely reports of bullying or anxiety or what have you.  These kids would often be romping around having a ball, but when they saw the counselor, they would become sad sacks, change their body language, and look like forlorn little creatures. 

When pressed for the truth once, one of the kids said “I like getting out of class when I don’t like what we’re doing, so I pretend to have a problem and ask to see the counselor.”  

I’m telling you, sometimes being a victim works well.

On Saturday Night Live, there was a skit where a gal plays the character “Debbie Downer” and the joke is that Debbie is always in the middle of some type of positive happening, usually making a comment that brings all the positivity to a grinding halt. It’s a funny gag, but doggone it, there are really people like this, aren’t there?  

Bubble poppers, pessimists, and so on. Some people wallow in their victim mentality.  Some people are really comfortable with it.

Some things are always not fair. Look at what that person got. Why didn’t I ever get that? Why is that person getting the results that I’ve been trying to get for all this time? The victim has a list of pity party anecdotes a mile long.

In my own experience as a victim who enjoys retreating to that place from time to time, I have usually found that the case for me being a victim is thin at best.  Usually, there are explanations as to why I’m not getting a fair shake.  There is usually a reason someone is appearing to pick on me. And there for sure is a reason why I am not getting my way or being allowed to control every situation and everybody.  

And it almost never has anything to do with self-centered, little old me.  

After the victim thing either wears out its welcome or doesn’t get the results I’d like, I am usually ashamed of myself. I size up the situation and decide that I still have some power in the whole mess: I have the power to get over myself, pick myself up, and look at all the positives.  

There are plenty of people who will flock around you if you remain positive, have a more giving spirit, and snap out of your Debbie Downer routine.  In fact, you find that your positivity can do a lot more for you than the wallowing in the negativity of being a victim.  

As usual, I speak from experience.