I have found that, as I get older, I have a constant struggle between my selfish need to be comfortable and concerned for only myself and the more level-headed idea of trying to see situations from someone else’s perspective.

A constant struggle, it is.

Thankfully like most of us, I have that little voice.  After all the fussing, complaining and fizzing around, I can most of the time settle down and think rationally.

Most of the time. OK, not as much as I’d like.

Another issue I have in regard to leaning toward the selfish side of things is that I always want everyone to be of the same mind set and at the same level of realization. When I realize I’m too concerned with other people and their business, I become extremely private and don’t want anyone asking questions or being nosy. Everyone else needs to mind their own business too. Right now, it seems like I’m surrounded by people who want to know what I’m doing, why I’m doing it. 

I don’t feel like explaining myself to other people. I shouldn’t have to, should I? 

But I also have to settle down and take a look at the other person for a bit. Are they really asking questions because they are just blatantly nosy? Some are. Some people feel better when they know all your business. Furthermore, they have an almost bully mentality and will just bust in and ask questions. You have no choice but to answer the person, because you’ll come off looking like the bad person. 

There are also very crafty busybodies who will make statements that aren’t entirely correct, and in the course of correcting them, you have told them your life story or at least some juicy tidbit.

Still, there are people who really aren’t being nosy. They are checking on you to see how you are doing. They want to make sure they stay connected to you. These people are asking questions because they care. I think overall, that is the intent of most people who care about you.  Sometimes those folks are learning from you, too.

I talked to a friend of mine the other day. He is starting a new job, and told me about an incident with a supervisor. The supervisor was jumping on everyone’s case and being a big jerk.

But after talking with another co-worker who had been there longer, my friend realized what an enormous strain the supervisors are under. Sure, it didn’t excuse the fact that the supervisor should have responded more professionally, but it may have helped soften the blow a bit.

Lately, I’ve been majorly fed up with people who seem to be all surface level with no depth. I’m tired of talking to people and interacting with people who are only concerned about appearances and how things come across. These are the type of people who keep interjecting their own experiences into your conversation.  You question whether they are listening to you. 

Some people have such a great need to look right and have everyone think they are great people. They work very hard at being liked. They want themselves and their families to be thought of as the best, the leaders, and the nicest.  Everyone looks good, everyone excels, everyone is smart and capable.

If you can examine a pattern with this type of person, you’ll see past trauma, emotional ties to material things, neglect, dysfunctional home life, etc.  It isn’t that they are purposely appearing to be distant, uncaring, selfish, or poor listeners.  Their need to appear perfect isn’t manipulative or crazy. It’s really that they don’t know any better, and they respond the best way they can. 

Perfectionism is a struggle for many.

Everywhere you look these days, anxiety and depression exist. It is constant. The longer I live, the more I see people who worry all the time. They are always on edge and ready to freak out.  

I find myself avoiding these people. I stop talking or walk away. I run from their anxiety-ridden dialogue. I am not supportive. These types of people seem to want everyone around them to be anxious and worried, too. If people around them aren’t hyped up, nervous and fretting, the worrying and anxious person doesn’t think the other person cares enough.  

It’s maddening.

When I force myself to be around an anxiety-ridden person, when I get over myself and realize I need to just be present, I realize that people like that need exactly what I am giving them: calm. 

It doesn’t help for me to be unpleasant or walk away. However, it does help just to listen, be calm, and respond in ways that quell their anxiety.

And if that sort of behavior makes them feel like I don’t know what I’m doing or don’t care about something, tough patooties. I’m doing the best I can.

I feel like turning the other cheek and just taking folks at face value, enjoying them, and loving them is more important than focusing on what we get from the other person. I have to constantly remind myself of this.

And really, what do other people think of me anyway? Who do I think I am passing judgment? I struggle with junk and brokenness just like everyone else.

I’ve given up resolutions, but I feel as though I get doses of truth and understanding from time to time. So, instead of making a resolution, I think I’m just going to be more intentional about stepping away from my own selfishness and trying to look at people from the other angle.  

When I do this, I often find out things about myself too.