I was having a good conversation with one of my old school buddies a few weeks back, and we were catching up on some guys we used to hang out with and have remained friends with.

It’s hilarious to me sometimes when I think of how long all of us have known each other; how much life we’ve lived since those days, yet how much we still stay the same.

I’ve always thought I had a pretty good memory, but the older I get, it seems some things have been graciously erased or filed in an extra email account that I rarely access.  

I thank God that some of those unpleasant memories have gone away.

My friend reminded me of one of our pals who was always our group’s “bubble popper” of sorts. Looking back, I can see why he was like this – especially because I knew his parents and where he came from.

In any case, this particular buddy I was talking to lives close to the “popper” and socializes with him quite often. A few of the other old gang lives nearby too, so as you can imagine, they get together when they can.

“He hasn’t changed a bit. Never wanting anyone to get ahead of him, just like always,” said my old friend when referring to our other friend.

Yep, here we are like a couple of gossipy old hens.  No better than the rest.

This old friend, we will refer to him as “Pop” from here on out, came from the same background as the rest of us. In small towns, you can never be “too much.” You aren’t supposed to be too smart, too well-groomed, too polite, too wealthy, or too anything.

If you are any of those things, you must think you are better than others.

This was Pop’s issue.  He was always looking at the other guy, measuring himself against others and comparing. 

At times, it was and is exhausting.

The thing about Pop was that he always wore his feelings out in the open. If he was jealous of anything you were doing, you immediately knew it from the facial expression and body language.

Now, I gotta tell you Pop can be a great guy. He is hilarious. He can also be a great and generous friend.  As long as you are doing something he has no interest in or absolutely no ability for, he is in your corner.  A cheerleader, if you will.

Pop couldn’t play basketball or football and had no interest in either, so he was the biggest fan of our friends who played. He couldn’t sing or act, so he was a promoter of our friends who were in show choir or school plays.

But as soon as you got near his wheelhouse, the bubble popping and threatening body language or comments would commence.  

As I said, Pop now lives near some of our old friends and they all run in the same circles. Two of the guys, and also Pop, worked in the same company for several years.  

I’ll bet that was interesting.

At one point, one of the friends got some extra training and was in line to be promoted at the workplace. Any time this was mentioned around Pop, the arms crossed and the comments began. The snarl was fixed on the face.

“The day you’re my supervisor is the day I’m out of here,” said Pop. 

This statement was delivered, point blank, to a dear friend. I’m sure working together was a strain on all of them.

As we all started families and our lives began to evolve, Pop was closely scrutinizing what we acquired. Any time one of us got a new vehicle or home, Pop was on hand to snarl and stomp around, jealous it seemed of anything we had that he didn’t.

As my buddy and I talked, we realized how we had kept things from Pop for years, often not bringing up certain things for fear of getting our happy bubbles busted.  

If we received any type of praise, award or accolade, we just didn’t bring it up. We asked others not to share our news with Pop.

I’d told my friend about my telephone calls with the movie star I’ve mentioned to some of you. I told him how I wouldn’t say much about it around Pop, simply because Pop would say things like “How did she find out about you?” or “Why in the world would she call you on the phone” with a somewhat derogatory tone and emphasis on the word you.  

There would be eye rolls from Pop, which would sting. 

Then, I’d spend time belittling myself and minimizing the situation, even though it’s a fun and surreal thing that happened to me, as well as something I’m somewhat proud of. Yet, due to Pop’s actions over the years, I’d once again try to squelch his insecurities.

So in a way, Pop has controlled us all these years.  

Due to his huffing around and being such a self-centered, unhappy friend at times, we felt forced to shut him out of celebrations. He could be happy for us but only if he was better, first, or superior.  As long as he was “a little more,” he was cool.  If we had things going on in our lives that he couldn’t converse with us about, he just changed the subject. If we got any attention he could have also gotten, it was time to be snarky and pout.

Pop was sort of like the kid who used to come to your birthday party, yet was sullen and whiney because he himself wasn’t getting any presents.

Yes, we haven’t always decided to hang out with Pop for these reasons, even though he’s an old, highly valued, and beloved friend.

And that sort of stinks, doesn’t it?  It’s also not doing Pop any good.

I felt a little bad raking poor old Pop across the coals, but it sure got me thinking about how friends should be happy for us all of the time, regardless of where any of us are in life.  Sometimes it seems like discussing situations helps you sort things out in your heart and mind.  So, regardless of us being somewhat gossipy, there were some truths that came out of it all.  

I also can’t sit here on my high horse and tell you I am never envious of my friends. Nor can I tell you that I don’t snarl a bit behind a clenched smile when certain people, in my eyes, keep winning when I don’t.  

I can completely see why people behave the way they do. I mean, we are human after all.

Still, I don’t think I’m going to hold back when I talk to Pop from here on out. I am going to talk freely about whatever the heck I want to talk about, even if it makes Pop snarl.   I’m going to make it a point to celebrate things about Pop’s life too; talk about old times and how I value his friendship. Pump him up while still feeling like I can talk about anything I want around him.  

Because, you know what, Pop has to learn to be happy for others:  new houses, new cars, job promotions, friendships with the semi-famous and people who are “more” than he is sometimes.

And that goes for the rest of us.

It’s gotta happen someday. Might as well be today.