Last week marked our 30th wedding anniversary.  

To me, it’s mind boggling for a plethora of reasons.  She’s put up with me that long, we have made it through three decades of all kinds of trials and tribulations, and we have usually ended up smiling.

Marriage ain’t easy, is it? Regardless of how much you have in common, you sometimes come across stumbling blocks you think you won’t get over. You stop and start. You reboot.  You make decisions. You soul search.

I think one of the biggest things I’ve learned about marriage is that you must jump into the shoes of your spouse and look at things from their perspective. You have to remember where they came from, what they grew up with, and how they look at things differently than you. You cannot expect them to kowtow to your ways. You have to be willing to get in there and feel the same aches and pains they feel. You can’t rule the roost. If you can actually feel the same feelings your spouse feels (it takes some work, but it can be done), then you can soldier through any difficulties.

What does this all mean? You just can’t think of yourself that much.

It took me a long time to understand even a fraction of all that.  

Michelle will tell you it took about 29 years.

Since our anniversary is in December, we have many memories tied to the Christmas season. I suppose the first memory is when we decided to have a Christmas wedding ourselves.  Early in our engagement, we attended a December wedding and Michelle was struck by all the Christmas colors and how pretty the church looked. After that evening, it was decided she would like a Christmas wedding.

As any groom, I was just along for the ride.

Our wedding date itself was perhaps one of the coldest days on record. The wind was whipping and I remember driving to the church seeing all the signs moving and the Christmas decorations flying around.  

But inside the church, everything was warm.  There were candles. Everyone was there. Michelle was the most beautiful bride, and we were surrounded by so many people we loved. Our grandmothers were all there, smiling ear to ear, and my little maternal grandmother was so excited about all the dancing at the reception that she talked about it for years afterwards.  

“It sure was a cold night. But remember how everyone just danced and danced?”  

I can hear her now.

On our first anniversary, we had dinner in Maeystown and stayed at the Corner George Inn, which was a lot of fun and dare I say, romantic? It was hard for us to believe we’d already been married a year, and we still feel that way after completing three decades together.  

As the years went by and we added kiddos to the mix, there are memories of our little ones staying behind at their grandparents while we went out to eat or Christmas shop, or both. One particular time, our oldest was sitting on the piano bench next to my mother, and as we walked out the door, he waved to us. Now he’s 26.

This past year, we scheduled a trip to the Keys in the summer to enjoy some warm weather instead of the cold December winds we’ve grown used to on our anniversary.

Note to us: don’t schedule a trip to Florida during hurricane season.

We took a side trip instead and I decided I’d try to do all the things Michelle had been wanting me to try. So we hiked and kayaked and rode a mountain coaster. We ate food from as many different places as we could find, and we did a whole lot of walking.  

And even though we aren’t as spry as we were 30 years ago, the feelings are still the same as they were in that warm church on that cold night.

Happy anniversary, my dear.