While I was in college, I lived in my own apartment. 

By the time I got to college, I had already been to junior college for a couple of years and I was ready to be on my own.  I didn’t desire  a roommate or to live in the dorm, so I found a tiny apartment that cost very little with utilities included. It was great.

But since I’d been on my own, it was hard to move back into my little bedroom at my parent’s home when I finished at the university. I was glad to be back home, don’t get me wrong. It was just tough to squeeze myself back into my pre-college surroundings.  

You know what I mean.

I lived at home while student teaching, which was handy. I was grateful to my parents for letting me live at home and it helped to be home as I navigated days of student teaching and my night job at Wal-mart. I lived at home for a little over a year before getting my first teaching job and moving away again.  

That was over 30 years ago.

Like many people, I suppose I looked at people who lived with their parents after college in a negative way.  I can only guess this is because of older generations of people who use phrases like “living in the basement” and such with a somewhat sour and disdainful tone.

Since I now have kids who are of that age, I have completely changed my opinion. That often happens, doesn’t it?  

When you look at your kids and realize they have worked their tails off and continue to work hard, your attitude about helping them out starts to change. Furthermore, wouldn’t we do just about anything to help our kids get a leg up as they begin their lives outside of our house?

I also enjoy seeing how the perspectives of kids change after they come back from college. It’s even more awesome after they marry and get their own home. Just wait, it will happen for you.  

They gladly take out the trash, do dishes and do jobs around the house that they have time for.  Not as much grumbling as they did when they were younger.  In fact, I’ve heard “need any help?” more than anything else.

Kids who move home after college are thankful, I believe. That is, unless you’ve spoiled them rotten and they expect it all.  

In that case, you are to blame, not your kids.

Not only do you have an extra set of hands around the house, but you have a lot of time to discuss the real world and help them prepare for it. It’s almost as if they have a portion of time to get their official “launch” ready, and if living at home for a while assists with that launch, so be it.

Now, I will say I think there needs to be some ground rules – not just with your adult children, but also with you. 

You have to change your expectations, and there also has to be mutual respect. Adult children need to know things are different now, and if you approach this new scenario with fairness and grace, it will turn out pretty good, I think.  

You can’t hover. You must support and not be pushy.  It’s hard sometimes, and you have to bite your lip, but it all works better if you let kids ask you for advice before you give it.  They need to know they can trust you.

There are hardcore people who think that, once a kid graduates college, they are on their own. Get out!  But I think there’s nothing wrong with a little more assistance, at least for a couple of years after college. The job market being the way it is and with skyrocketing prices of everything from eggs to rent, what does it hurt?

I used to get upset when parents told me I would understand kids better when I had my own. Boy, did that make me mad! I’ve told you this before:  they were right. This applies to kids of all ages, even as adults.  

Funny how hard-headed we can be about our judgment, and it’s also funny how perspectives can change.