How many times have you used the old saying “I wish I’d thought of that?”   

I mean, shoot, some of the things floating around these days amaze me. Who in their right mind actually came up with some of these ideas and furthermore, did they really think the ideas would be as popular as they have become?

Now, I’m no recording star. I don’t think I could have come up with a hit Christmas song like Mariah Carey or Kelly Clarkson.  But I was thinking the other day, as I begrudgingly turned on the Christmas radio station for my daughter, that I surely could have come up with some gimmicky song like “Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer,” a song I truly despise. It’s an annoying earworm.  Heck, for all we know, the actual writer of the song doesn’t like the song either.

But someone is definitely cashing the checks.  

The amount of toys that have been the hot ticket items during the holidays is staggering. Someone put a motor and sound mechanism inside a stuffed character and sold a bazillion “Tickle Me Elmos.” I could go on and on about the number of toys, even very simple ideas, that caught on and sold like hotcakes.  

I mean, dolls with birth certificates? Sheesh.

But I think the one that really slays me is “Elf on a Shelf.” Not only has there been a ton of the little guy sold, but the whole phenomenon has spawned a line of merchandise that goes on and on. 

In the last couple of months alone, when and if I have to venture into a retail space, I have noted coffee mugs, an advent calendar, snow globes, books, a clothing line for people, a clothing line for the elf, furniture, pillows, kitchen utensils, various snack food, blankets, and so on.  

There’s even a movie. No joke.

The phenomenon spawned an enormous amount of free advertising.  There are countless reels on Instagram devoted to which parents can come up with the best gag to freak out their children and get them to live in fear that the Elf is watching their every move.   There are videos with the reactions that kiddos have after discovering what their Elf has done, where he’s been, or what he has witnessed in the house.  

If you research these little elves, you’ll see that they have been around for years, appearing in lower budget holiday fare, relegated to Christmas trees or decorative displays reminiscent of the 1950s and 60s. I’m thinking that one of those vintage elves was sitting somewhere one day in December, and some parent, most likely out of desperation, pointed to that felt-covered doll and said “Look, one of Santa’s elves is watching you to report back on your behavior.”  

It might not have happened that way, but surely the idea came from some similar sort of happening.

Now that I am retired and supposed to have more time to ponder and think (which I really don’t), I should surely be able to come up with something that would go over like gangbusters and become a big Christmas hit.  

I mean, even if it was a fad that came and went, maybe I’d be able to bankroll the profits.  

Send me your ideas.  We could form a partnership.  Your people can call my people.

Email me at marksremarks10@gmail.com.