I’ve said it before and I’ll keep saying it: I think people rush Christmas every year because they long for something to change. They are not happy with something going on in their lives, and therefore they think the holiday season will magically change things. 

For a time, maybe it does. Maybe bad things slow down or seem less important. Maybe, in fact, relationships that are fractured heal somewhat because the parties involved try to patch things up.

I had a conversation with a group of people not long ago about the holiday season.  We reminisced about what Christmas used to be and how it is now.  We talked about traditions and food we looked forward to, and how Christmas time seemed to bring more joy to day to day lives.

However, part of the conversation revolved around the forced family get-togethers that often happen at the holidays.  One family that was discussed was a family that rarely sees one another during the year yet finds it necessary to get together at Christmas.  

This family doesn’t really seem to care if they are together or not and much of their time together is spent being sarcastic, passive aggressive, or making fun of one another. There is no feeling of caring and it almost seems there is a “let’s get this over as soon as possible” feeling among most involved. There appears to be jealousy and a general discontent when the family is together.

So here’s the question I posed to the group: Why do we feel we must get together if this is indeed the overall feeling? If it doesn’t seem like people want to be together, then why do it?  I mean, when the invites are sent out, the people who really want to be there will show up.  

Maybe that’s the key.  Send out the invite and get together with the people who really want to be there. Get-togethers, especially over the holidays, are supposed to be about good feelings and love. 

In our group, some of the discussion participants talked about feeling envy for the families that have a good old-fashioned family get-together in which people really seem glad to see one another.  There isn’t any snarky talk, bad manners, or a general “I don’t want to be here” attitude.  

I said that I wondered if there were many families who really had the good old-fashioned holidays together.  There probably are.  But most will probably say there’s at least one or two people they’d rather not hang out with.

When you examine family dynamics and see an air of discontent, I feel it usually comes from the leaders of the family.  Furthermore, it’s usually those same leaders who guilt everyone into getting together at holiday time in the first place.  

My discussion group verified that, in some of their families, the get-togethers did indeed cease altogether when those family leaders were gone.  

It’s quite sad. But it’s reality, I suppose.

Point blank comment: the birth of Jesus is something that should overshadow discontent and family strife. Moreover, we should be so thankful for his birth that our hearts are quickened to make amends, find joy, and put our best foot forward when it comes to what we feel are forced family functions.

Look, I get it. I understand we would often choose friends over family. We’d much rather hang out with people who actually like us and want to be around us. But I also have lived long enough to know that there ain’t a doggone thing we can do about regrets, and maybe we need to focus  more on making sure we let go of our own selfishness and persnickety attitudes.

Especially at Christmas.