There’s a lot of reflecting after one retires from a job, I think.  

You, of course, always wonder how things could have been different. You look back on things that went really well and things that didn’t. Hopefully, you feel that there were great times.

I am glad to say I feel all of those when I reflect, and I’m thankful for all the good memories.

Since I spent three decades teaching kids and working with their families too, I saw all types of interesting and sometimes frustrating things.  I can tell you, honestly, that I became a very judgmental person when it came to parenting, but I can also tell you that I still made many mistakes with my own kids.

I was looking over some things the other day, and I was reminded of a few students I had who were the absolute apples of their parents’ eyes.

Is there anything wrong with that? Not necessarily.  

Don’t misunderstand me. I think your children should be extremely important to you. You should be devoted to them and willing to care for them as best you can.

But I’ve known some parents who have taken it to such an extreme that it becomes detrimental to the kid. Let me explain.

I’ve known a handful of kids who are held in such high regard by their parents that they become almost delusional about who they really are. These kids are put on a very high pedestal, told they are the best in all things, and basically convinced that they are the most important. I had a mother tell me once that her child “Has never found anything that he really couldn’t do and do very well.”

Whew!

What happens next is not good. These kids who have been convinced that everything they say and do is the very best and the most important, are unable to relate to other kids. They often think they are superior to adults and will verbally correct adults without any qualms whatsoever. If kids won’t relate to them, these kids complain and tell their parents or other adults that they are being bullied when in actuality, the other kids just simply aren’t relating.

And why? Because these kids who have been told they are the very best are just plain annoying.  There’s no way around it.  They are annoying.

Quite a while ago, I got to be around one of these kids who had grown up, and I heard this kid point out mistakes that an older adult was making. The adults standing around seemed dumbfounded. But I wasn’t the least bit surprised.

And I thought to myself, “Still annoying.”

Here’s the hard part:  you can’t tell these parents anything. Even if one of them happens to read this column, they won’t realize that they fit into this category and whatever I’ve mentioned will go right over their heads. Parents who are, at this moment, telling their children that there is no one better won’t realize they are doing it and none of this will sound familiar.

But folks, I’m telling you: there needs to be a healthy balance. 

Should you tell your kids they are awesome and celebrate all of their wonderful achievements?  Should you simply celebrate the things that make them special? Should you just constantly talk to them about how much they are loved and cherished? Of course – 100 percent.

However, kids have to know they are capable of losing. They need to know that they can’t open presents at every party because it isn’t always their birthday. Kids need to know that even though a lot of people cheered for them and thought they were pretty and poised, they didn’t win the beauty contest because someone else got chosen.

Don’t want other kids to think your kid is annoying? Have conversations with them and guide them as they grow. Tell them it’s good to be interested in other people and ask others about themselves.

I’m telling you, I speak from experience.