Do you ever have conversations with people and then you walk away kicking yourself for continuing the conversation?

I mean, there are just people you have to take in small doses and if you converse too long, the conversation ends up being unpleasant.

You know the people I’m talking about.

One such person is the person who ends up insulting you in a passive aggressive or manipulative way.  Such a person makes it their mission to make you feel bad. Most of these types of people are unhappy with themselves or ashamed of something. So, it makes them feel better to make you feel foolish, inadequate or less.  

Know anyone like that?

Then you have the folks that seem to sneer at you all the time. They pay attention to your life pretty closely, seemingly keeping score of your failures. They know about the things you hope for, the endeavors you pursue, the ideas you come up with. They pay close attention to goals you set for yourself and make known.   

They are the people who think you talk too much or roll their eyes at you, sometimes while you are talking.  They know all your business, but not because they care that much about you.  They use their knowledge of you as ammunition.

They are the type of people you end up saying things like “Wait a minute.  I thought they liked me.”

This column seems to be fodder for such folks. 

I wrote about trying to lose weight and get in shape once, and a person went out of their way to make their way through a crowd to say something derogatory to me. I didn’t realize it at the time, because I’m sometimes naive about such things (and sometimes overly sensitive). 

But later, I thought “Wait a minute. That was a slam. Hmm.”

Certain folks just aren’t in your camp. They aren’t meant to be a cheerleader for you or anyone else.  They might see a little good in you, but for the most part it’s more fun for them to make fun of you and bring you down. As I said before, they are unhappy. You are never quite sure where you stand with them.

I have tended to try to overcompensate when I’m around such people. My main goal back in the day was to win people over.  I’d try to act a different way or go out of my way to be in their camp.  

People pleasing. It’s self-destructive.

But after so many years and so many instances in which you end up feeling like a fool, you start to resent yourself for trying so hard. And, in a good way, you give up.

I’ve said to Michelle numerous times that I’ve forgotten about people. I forget that I should only talk to them for a few fleeting moments, have a few words, and not go on and on about anything. It’s just better in the long run. Talk a little, turn and leave.  

It’s too bad we all just can’t be real with one another; and not just real, but nice. You don’t have to be a big fake or anything, but you can be pleasant. 

There are times that I have not cared much for a person, and it’s almost like pulling teeth to be pleasant to that person. But after a while, if you continue to force yourself you can end up being sincerely nice to a person and you might even end up liking them. It’s happened to me numerous times.  

And I can only hope people do the same for me, especially if I rub them the wrong way or they don’t care for me. There’s always going to be someone who doesn’t like you that much.  It’s a fact we must face.

Yes, resentment tends to kick in after you reach a certain age. You grow tired of yourself. You grow tired of pleasing everyone, trying to fit in, and trying to make sure everyone likes you. 

After all, don’t you get to a point where you know who your real people are and who the people who don’t really matter to you are?

Now, I’m not saying that because I think some people don’t matter. I’m saying it because, although you should care about all human beings, there are those you have to take a step back from, remember your limits with them, and not proceed.  

You can probably tell I’ve had an overdose of “peopling” recently, and it seems that those times usually involve dealing with the cream of the crop. The charter members of the “pain in the patootie club.”

In those times, I realize I am focusing too much on people: how they make me feel, what I think their motives are, and so forth.  That actually translates to selfishness. 

I’m thinking far too much about the people around me and how they are responding to me, and not what is important.  This mentality, followed by the correct realization, usually points back to my spiritual life and what I’m not addressing regarding prayer and my relationship with God.

Because when those two things are in check, the “peopling” doesn’t  get to us as much, does it?