We were in a craft store with my daughter the other day, and a tiny little girl had run away from her mother. The mother was reprimanding the little one, and repeated several times “You’re a bad girl.  That’s a bad girl.” 

The little one, barely able to talk, repeated “Bad girl.  Bad girl.”

I felt a little like a knife had poked me in the back.  This little girl had no idea what “bad girl” meant, nor did she probably understand why she was being reprimanded.  Yet this vocabulary of “bad girl” will most likely become part of her vernacular.  

But I don’t know their circumstances, so I shouldn’t judge.

I’m almost certain I told my kids they were doing something bad, but I don’t think I ever called them bad. If I did, it was a mistake. Furthermore, I have always had my therapist wife around to counsel me on the proper way to talk to kids.

Let’s face it, though: there are kids we think are just “bad kids.” But are they? 

Being around younger kids my entire teaching career, I feel as if I’ve watched their innocence being squelched by the world. I’ve seen hurt looks on kids’ faces, especially when they realize that things aren’t always good and easy.  I’ve watched kids that were not sure how to express themselves or deal with circumstances.

I don’t believe in coddling kids, but I do believe in guiding and teaching them. Don’t call your kids a “bad” girl or boy because they do something wrong; tell them the action was bad or wrong and then tell them why, especially when they are very young. 

 You may have to tell them more than once, and you may have to have follow-up conversations.

Little ones who are too young to understand have to be physically redirected sometimes; I’m not saying you have to spank them. I’m saying that when the word “no” doesn’t work, you actually have to get up off your butt and take them away from whatever it is they aren’t supposed to do.  

There are so many kids who deal with some sort of trauma, even as infants.  

Early trauma, which I have written about before, has long-lasting effects and is something parents have to be educated about.  There are plenty of kids who seem like hellions and “bad kids” who have suffered from some sort of trauma in their young lives.

As parents, we have to be equipped to be proactive. You can’t expect that your kids are always going to be perfectly behaved and quiet at a function, so you have to think of things that can keep them occupied.  

Snacks sometimes work, if possible. A little bag of toys they don’t see often or any sort of distraction will help. Sometimes, just a few moments away from a scenario will improve behavior.

It’s shameful that the general public is full of ignorant people who are the ones that sneer or give dirty looks to our “bad kids.”   You often wonder if they themselves had children, or better yet, had kids who acted up from time to time.  

We have to stop worrying about the reactions of others and just teach our own kids what is right and true.

And teaching is the key.  Don’t have kids if you think it’s easy. There are so many kids, perceived as “bad,” who are just products of lazy-patootie parenting.  Parents who treat their kids as if they are supposed to have some innate list of behaviors that were never taught to them, or parents who just yell and threaten because they can’t get up off the recliner.

I don’t believe there are any “bad kids” or kids that can’t be redirected.  

Next time you think you see one, try to look at them with a more understanding eye.