I will admit to being self conscious about my appearance.  

When we were guys in high school, we spent a lot of time on our hair. We wouldn’t admit it back then but most guys I grew up with will admit it now, especially because hair is, for many of us, a memory.  

In junior high, we carried combs in our back pockets.

In my oft-judgmental way, I look down my nose at people who do harsh things to hang on to the vibrance of youth. I walk around wondering why people don’t just “age gracefully” and accept things.

But oh, what a hypocrite I am.

If I try on a shirt that makes my pot belly look slim, I either try to find as many different variations of that same shirt, or wonder how I can get by with wearing that shirt as much as possible. I make fun of guys who wear skinny jeans or jeans I’ve seen teenagers wear, but I’d give my eye teeth if I could fit into such pants or pull off wearing them without judgment.

Since my eyesight became compromised, most likely due to global warming, I have searched for various styles of cheap “readers” that look hip. I found a style at a discount store I was convinced made me look intelligent and cool. I even wore them when I was walking around and not reading anything, because I thought people would be drawn to my intelligence and sense of style. 

Then, we had family pictures taken and I thought I’d leave my glasses on in one of the poses. Surely people would comment on my great looking family and on my equally stylish glasses.

But when we got the pictures back, I looked like I was wearing ill-fitting discount glasses.

So, it was with renewed enthusiasm when I discovered a six-pack of discount glasses, far more economical than the ill-fitting ones, which I ordered, tried on and thought actually felt good and looked good. People  told me how they liked my glasses and I thought that maybe this time I had solved the problem of looking good and saving money at the same time.

There were six different styles of glasses, and I thought the white or clear-looking glasses looked the best. I thought they looked hip and happening. I saw famous actors wearing the same type of glasses. This was going to help me in my secret quest to look and feel younger – although I’d never admit it.

Walking around in my cool new glasses started to also affect the way I felt and dressed and acted. I enjoyed the compliments, and secretly hoped no one would realize I was trying hard to look like I was hip yet not doing it on purpose.

But my facade came crashing down, somewhat, on that fateful day when I could not find my glasses.  At this stage of the game, losing my glasses is a major handicap. There is so much I can’t get by with anymore, and the desire to look good is out the window when one can’t see.

So this was the day I picked the white/clear glasses. I took them off, put them down somewhere, and they seemed to disappear. I looked high and low. You see, those clear glasses are like a chameleon, and they become invisible against many different surfaces. I finally found them on top of a pillowcase on the bed.

Try as I may, I can’t get past the realization that things are just more challenging with each passing year.  

I used to notice that some older folks eventually abandon vanity and go for comfort, or they just do their best with what they have and enjoy life.

I wonder how many of them began this mind set after searching for a pair of invisible glasses for 20 minutes.