Many people have given up on resolutions and I’m one of them. They never work. They are only moderately successful, if that. The only ones that ever work, in my opinion, are those in which we involve other people. We need folks to hold us accountable.

I am blessed to have a wife who entertains deep discussions, and we’ve had plenty of them lately. Perhaps it’s taking stock of our lives and perhaps it is due to our age. It might be due to the fact that we see life moving fast around us. Whatever the reason, we are taking a look at the important stuff. We are making some decisions.

Both of us have been “people pleasers” our entire life. So much time and energy has been put into making sure everyone was happy. We go out of our way to make sure people don’t get their feelings hurt or don’t get offended.

We have decided to give that up. It is exhausting. We have decided that our friends and family, all adults, are old enough and capable enough to cope. It’s no longer our job to make sure we are doing everything just so. Our life no longer revolves around what our family thinks of us. We no longer feel that we must act a certain way or do things in order to please others. We are done.

Now, before you think I’m a bit harsh or sounding bitter, I will tell you that we plan on replacing what we are giving up with other things. We no longer plan on trying to impress people or proving anything to others, but we plan on being more understanding. We plan on doing what is true and right, as best we can.  We no longer plan on trying to meet the conditions of others, but we plan on choosing to love our friends and family anyway. Unconditionally without guidelines. Choose to love others, that’s it.

We are also giving up answering questions and explaining ourselves. Michelle and I have done a decent job parenting our four kids. We have made good and bad decisions, but we have made it. We have learned lessons and we have dealt with failures. But they are our lessons and our failures.  They are not anyone’s business but ours. We don’t have anyone to answer to besides our Heavenly Father. Can I get an “Amen”?

What are we replacing it all with? Again, understanding.  Patience. Love. It’s much easier and it’s a better way to live.  Take a deep breath. When people feel that they must be passive aggressive or question our motives or judge us, they are the ones who must deal with those needs. We, in return, must be true and do what we think is best. I have said that already, but it’s worth repeating.

We are also giving up saying “yes” all the time. It’s impossible. There are times we must say “no.” There are times we must say “not now.” Instead of saying “yes,” we can replace it with “I will do what I can” or “here’s someone who may be able to help for now.” Real people who understand will respect us for saying “no.” And they will ask again, too.

We are streamlining our priorities. Yes, our first priority is God. We must spend time with Him; praying, reading His word and listening. We make no apologies for our beliefs nor do we make explanations. I look at what a mess I can be and am grateful for a merciful God who forgives and loves us.

Our second priority is our family. We must watch over our kids and help them. We must guide without exasperating them. We must let them know that our love for them is unconditional; that they don’t need to do everything a certain way or to our specifications in order for us to love them. Too many parents place conditions on their love, I’m afraid. Some don’t even know they are doing it.

Other priorities are praying for others, supporting others, and helping when we are able with whatever we have.

Yes, we will fail. We will mess some of this up. We will go against what we have said.  We will sometimes appear to talk out of both sides of our mouth. OK. At least we are going to give it all a shot and try to stick to it.

I believe that the only way to make life changes is to rely on God. Let’s face it: only the strength of God can help us to do the right thing in most cases.  It’s OK to talk about life changes, but the only way to stick to them is to be in constant prayer and be constantly asking God for guidance and strength.

So, that’s the plan for us this year: life changes instead of resolutions.

I’ll let you know how it goes.