The other day, I saw this video on Facebook that a young African-American man made.  He is wise beyond his years. In the video, he talked about being pulled over by a white police officer. He told about how he responded politely and respectfully to the police officer.

In turn, he spoke about how professional and respectful the officer was to him. The young man was issued a warning and sent on his way.

As a follow-up, the young man talked about how positive the experience was. He talked about how he — a young, male,  African-American — was treated well by a white police officer. He didn’t have to post that video, but he did it to prove a point.

However, the best thing I heard in the entire video was this: We don’t always need to think we are the victims. I completely agree. I started thinking that no, this is not a race thing or a minority thing or a gender thing. It’s simply about that word: victim.

There are many people who spend a great deal of time being the victim. Some folks specialize in it. Do you know anyone like that?

Now sometimes, I can sympathize with these people. Yes, they have not had a fair shake.  There are things they missed out on. There are people who did them wrong. They had bad luck, they had a dysfunctional family, or they had trauma of some kind in their lives.

But so many people actually choose to be victims. Everyone is out to get them, it seems.  They spend most of their time having pity parties or wallowing in the misery of never getting treated right.

I speak from experience, and I think maybe most of us can say that we have played the victim card plenty of times. We get caught up in how mistreated we feel and we fail to look at the big picture.

Part of that picture is looking ourselves square in the eye. I have always said that we must have a time in our lives when we decide that something might be our fault. We need to ask ourselves “Did I cause the problem?

Did I contribute to it?  Was I wrong in any way?” In most cases, the answer will be “yes” to at least one of those questions.

I have regretted my actions many times over, and it took me a good 15 years or so to start realizing that I needed to care enough for others to apologize to them. The apology had to be sincere — it couldn’t just be a sideways apology.  Sometimes it takes me a while, but I am almost always hit head-on with a realization that I have done something wrong.

I end up apologizing, even if it takes a while.

Still, there are so many of us who are more comfortable keeping that victim card on the table. It’s just easier. We don’t have to sacrifice our pride. We don’t have to admit we did something wrong. As long as it’s someone else’s fault, we are good.

Right along with playing the victim goes the old adage of walking in someone else’s shoes. We might not be able to figure out the other person, but we can at least try to see it from another perspective.

In the end, some people are never able to get it. You might decide you need to bury the hatchet. You share your apology. You do not get the response you thought you’d get. Too bad.  Move on. You have done what you think you need to do. The other person has to deal with his or her response. If they aren’t ready to accept your apology or never accept it, again, that’s their issue, not yours.

Make the most of what you have. Give others the benefit of the doubt. Don’t assume. Don’t wonder what the other person is thinking. Don’t think it’s all about you. Stop being so sensitive.

Put away your victim card.  It can’t really help you anyway.